I've had to explain to a little girl why Grandpa won't be around tomorrow, I've held back tears listening to a loving wife say the Lord's prayer while I prepared to wrap her husbands body. I've done CPR on someone's husband, wife, child, friend. I've held family members in my arms because I'm the only thing they have left. I've watched parents lose their children, and children lose their parents. I've been a part of a team that saved a life, and I've been a part of a team that failed. We'll spend hours doing all that we know how to do, minutes explaining to the family why it didn't work, and days re-playing it silently in our head trying to figure out why. So in case you ever think that we don't care about those we lose, know that It takes everything we have to continue our day. To not stand in the bathroom and cry our eyes out. To take off our gloves, and start over.. And continue to start over for the next 10 hours knowing that we failed, and we may fail again.
In school, we take 100 classes on how to fight off death, and not 1 on how to go on living.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Good Morning
People are afraid. They’re afraid of being alone, afraid of falling in love with the wrong person, afraid of falling in love with the right person. Having to be alone is scary, love is scarier. You have something to lose when you’re in love. You have something. You have something that you can’t make stay, but pray to God that it does. You have someone. Someone that loves you unconditionally, someone that you can count on when you can’t count on yourself, someone to be your #1 fan, someone to do laundry with, someone that gets your inside jokes, someone to say good night to. But saying good night to someone is hard, because then you have to trust that they’ll still be there when you wake up. So we run. We run so we don’t have to say good night, because we don’t want to risk not hearing good morning. And we convince ourselves that we’re fine, and that it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. We convince ourselves that fear is an acceptable reason for giving up. But fear is not an answer, it’s an excuse. We excuse ourselves from trying because we're afraid of it not working out, but more than that, we’re afraid that it will. What if it does work out, what if we fall in love? Then we have to do something, then we have to say good night. So you have a choice, you can choose to walk away, you can choose to let distance, or doubt, or fear make your decisions, or you can choose to stay. You can stay, and be scared, and love. Fear doesn’t last forever, and running is tiring, so you can wait until the day your legs give out, or you can step up, get a treadmill, and spend your life giving someone a reason to say good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
If you work it, make it worth it
Yesterday I worked hard.
Yesterday I made good plays.
Yesterday I cut harder, ran faster, and jumped higher.
Yesterday I encouraged my teammates.
Yesterday I played with maturity.
Yesterday I fell, and got back up.
Yesterday I ran through the pain.
Yesterday I was a leader.
Yesterday I didn't give up.
Yesterday I gave 110%.
Yesterday I pushed myself to the limit, and then past it, and then to my absolute breaking point.
Today I pushed myself further.
Yesterday I made good plays.
Yesterday I cut harder, ran faster, and jumped higher.
Yesterday I encouraged my teammates.
Yesterday I played with maturity.
Yesterday I fell, and got back up.
Yesterday I ran through the pain.
Yesterday I was a leader.
Yesterday I didn't give up.
Yesterday I gave 110%.
Yesterday I pushed myself to the limit, and then past it, and then to my absolute breaking point.
Today I pushed myself further.
Monday, September 13, 2010
In a perfect world
Today was the first day of the class I teach.. It went well I think, I love to teach and be involved with the students.
On another note, I was completely judged by my history of creativity professor. I wrote him an email asking for permission to be in his class even though it was full (and had permission from the advisement center to do so.. I really just needed the access code) and he wrote me a really rude email back saying that he was concerned with my level of commitment and amount of effort I was going to put into his class; and that he was concerned that I wasn't going to read or do the big semester project to the best of my ability. And finally, he was concerned that I had "put off" my last Gen Ed credit until I'm graduating.. but that he "felt" he should give me the code based off of the expectation that I will attend class, do the reading, and start the project now.......In a perfect world I would say something like this..... Well Professor, although we've never met or spoken before I appreciate the fact that you have the audacity to make such assumptions about my academic reputation. At the very least that either takes a lot of courage, or a lot of stupidity. Now let me correct you; you're absolutely right about the nursing program being a serious commitment. However, with that said, this is my third and final year in the program and I've gotten very good at handling its demands, as well as the demands from my other classes and personal life. Also, I did not in anyway procrastinate my Gen Ed requirement, some semesters allow for classes outside of nursing and others don't. I consider myself very lucky to only have one left at the start of my senior year; and hard work has definitely paid off because I will be able to heed the recommendation of the nursing professors and enter into my capstone semester Gen Ed free. Finally, you will not have to waste your time mocking my scholarly career with your "expectations" because that is the standard that I hold myself to every semester. My level of academic commitment does not waver for any class, and nor does my amount of effort. I do not, and will not compromise my education just because I have a busy schedule, or the class is outside my area of expertise. So please, consult me before you make anymore judgments about my academic character.
......My actual email will be a little less rash.
On another note, I was completely judged by my history of creativity professor. I wrote him an email asking for permission to be in his class even though it was full (and had permission from the advisement center to do so.. I really just needed the access code) and he wrote me a really rude email back saying that he was concerned with my level of commitment and amount of effort I was going to put into his class; and that he was concerned that I wasn't going to read or do the big semester project to the best of my ability. And finally, he was concerned that I had "put off" my last Gen Ed credit until I'm graduating.. but that he "felt" he should give me the code based off of the expectation that I will attend class, do the reading, and start the project now.......In a perfect world I would say something like this..... Well Professor, although we've never met or spoken before I appreciate the fact that you have the audacity to make such assumptions about my academic reputation. At the very least that either takes a lot of courage, or a lot of stupidity. Now let me correct you; you're absolutely right about the nursing program being a serious commitment. However, with that said, this is my third and final year in the program and I've gotten very good at handling its demands, as well as the demands from my other classes and personal life. Also, I did not in anyway procrastinate my Gen Ed requirement, some semesters allow for classes outside of nursing and others don't. I consider myself very lucky to only have one left at the start of my senior year; and hard work has definitely paid off because I will be able to heed the recommendation of the nursing professors and enter into my capstone semester Gen Ed free. Finally, you will not have to waste your time mocking my scholarly career with your "expectations" because that is the standard that I hold myself to every semester. My level of academic commitment does not waver for any class, and nor does my amount of effort. I do not, and will not compromise my education just because I have a busy schedule, or the class is outside my area of expertise. So please, consult me before you make anymore judgments about my academic character.
......My actual email will be a little less rash.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Crossing Lines
I Dare You
What’s your story babe? You won’t give it up
I had to swim through silence
Just to get what state you're from
This life’s a game, and you play a strong hand
Love is the same, so tell me are you that brave?
I’ve told you how I feel,
You’ve seen the look I give you
All this with no return, but that’s not unusual
Because I have learned boundaries don’t keep people out
They just fence you in
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
So you can waste your life drawing lines
Or take a chance on crossing mine, crossing mine
I don’t know if it will all work out
But all I want from you right now
Is to take a risk, unlock your armor
And get your game face on
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
I can’t quit, you're everything I’ve ever wanted, and you can tell me to go
but obviously I don’t listen very well because I’m not leaving until you’re in love with someone else.
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
What’s your story babe? You won’t give it up
I had to swim through silence
Just to get what state you're from
This life’s a game, and you play a strong hand
Love is the same, so tell me are you that brave?
I’ve told you how I feel,
You’ve seen the look I give you
All this with no return, but that’s not unusual
Because I have learned boundaries don’t keep people out
They just fence you in
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
So you can waste your life drawing lines
Or take a chance on crossing mine, crossing mine
I don’t know if it will all work out
But all I want from you right now
Is to take a risk, unlock your armor
And get your game face on
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
I can’t quit, you're everything I’ve ever wanted, and you can tell me to go
but obviously I don’t listen very well because I’m not leaving until you’re in love with someone else.
Cuz I dare you
To Love me like I love you, like I love you
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